Another house post. Oh god… What we do in the shadows

I know… erotic writer… writing about houses. That really gets me hot. Lol. Actually, at the moment it does. In an unpleasant way.

Again, to make a long story short. (I swear all my stories seem to be long and well endowed) We were about to close on the house, (see recent posts) everything was going as planned… (sounds like the opening to a tragedy) when it turns out the sellers agent listed the house, when she shouldn’t have. The title for the house was not free and clear. So, she hadn’t done her homework, her job. The issue was actually caught by the title company, not her, and luckily, before we had signed to close on the house. Otherwise, I understand it would have caused much pain and discomfort in the future. But now, though this agent is working to make amends and has even hired an attorney to resolve the issue, our future hangs in the balance. With our current house sold, we “literally” have to be out in the next few days.

Hello cheap hotel, cheap hotel courtesy of Pixabay

We had it roughly timed out, a few days— a week at best, in a hotel, that’s fine, mini-vacay! Yeah! However, when your future housing plans disappear, and you have “no-home” to go to, suddenly… life is no vacation.

Godzilla running amok on my dreams.

So while they work to resolve the issue, without a specific close date. I’ve been littering my agent with new houses to go visit in the event that this process takes too long, or, actually does not get resolved. I get the feeling she would prefer that I sit back and chill, thinking that this issue will be remedied, again I have no guarantee it will, and “I do not chill well.” I’m a creative man, and I’m a restless man, and if someone doesn’t want me to stand up in the boat, I will stand up in the boat. (Yes, I may fall out of the boat, but I will own it.)

As always, naughty bits on next page.

Limbo Before the Storm

New, Chapter Four available

Earlier today. Limbo.

It’s all part of this on-going house process. For those just tuning in… months ago, a big company wanted to buy our land. Eventually, tired of being pestered by some really low offers, we told them we would sell for a much higher price than what our house was worth. To our surprise they countered with a pretty good offer and we said yes.

Rabbit hole. So today, yes Memorial day. They were were supposed to send house inspectors over. (Yes, really on Memorial day, we double checked) They needed to check for asbestos, mold and such, before eventually tearing the house down. (The property is destined to be joined with other properties, and then to become a huge warehouse) So, here I am waiting. Alone, in a mostly empty house. It has been a good two hours since they should have arrived; and of course, I’d already made a head-full of plans (me-time in the shower, going out to breakfast, more me-time in the shower, etc.) that are now, on-hold.

More on the next page.

House stuff, Dancing Skeletons, Erotic musings, and the Twitterverse

The house stuff is still progressing. Everything is going as planned… I hope. In case you missed the last post, or fell asleep while reading it. (Sometimes I do. :P) Anywhoo, that 1964 two-story looks like it’s going to be the one. The house was appraised a few days ago and actually came in a good notch higher than what we are paying. Yeah for more equity! Godzilla says Yeah too!

I had wanted to create more equity anyway, so I was thinking hot tub, rumpus room, big bouncy house room, Velcro room, toy room… etc… (I mean, who wouldn’t pay more for a Velcro room?) But I am probably being a little over ambitious. Now, if only that big ass Godzilla would go back to the ocean. All though, I guess that’s one way to deal with Jehovah’s.

Yes, one of these days you might get a real picture, not a vintage mash-up.

Of course, I’m a hopeless romantic and can’t help but picture myself sitting in my own writers den/office, sitting behind my laptop and happily churning out more chapters of “The Taming of the Fallen,” (and other assorted off-color erotic prose) while wearing a soft robe, fresh from the shower, eating tater-tots and being looked upon by beautiful women clad in fishnets…

More on the next page

House hunting part two, and other mayhem

So that cute little red house from the last post didn’t work out. It was like a break up gone bad, complete with crying, kicking, screaming, alcohol indulgence, many tater tots were eaten, and finally, denial… well, until house number two came along. This beauty was made in 1964. Damn’t Godzilla found this house too! White and blue, two stories, two fireplaces, two bathrooms, two car garage and enough rooms for an office and… a special play room.**

We’ve already put an offer on it, been through inspections and now were in negotiating phase. Things like, “Hey either fix this ham sandwich or give us the money to buy one.” They may also come back with, “No, fix your own damn sandwich.” In which case we might say “No, we will go find another sandwich, perhaps even a hoagie, and with pickles!” … you know how these things go.

Today’s vintage house mash-up brought to you by photoshop

More on the next page

House hunting, selling and other general hell.

Well, I’m not as active as I had planned on being. I know… you’re let down. Especially after all that tater-tot talk from last time. I’m sure that was a page turner 😉 lol.

Anyway, you may have guessed by the title, we are looking for another house. To make a long story short, some time ago a big company wanted to buy the land we live on, they kept offering some pretty low numbers and we kept telling them no. Finally I said, throw a big-ass number at them. To our surprise they came back with a pretty good price. This was a few months back now.

Yes, thank you Photoshop.

Here’s a vintage picture I mashed up to give you an idea of the house we just put an offer on. Minus Godzilla of course. It’s a beautiful long barn-red rambler. Cuz, I’m a ramblin’ man, I guess. It has a big beautiful cherry tree out front, and the setting has a beautiful charm onto itself. I know! If this was a drinking game on the word “beautiful” you’d be three shots in already.

Buying a house is stressful.

Goodreads and Tater Tots

I started a group over on the website Goodreads. For those that don’t know, it’s a place for readers and writers. My new group? Of course it’s wicked. It’s called “Erotic Fairy Tales and other Wicked Fantasy.” I thought it might be a juicy way to bring like-minded people together. Right now it’s pretty small. Ahhh… how small? K, no penis jokes. Well, as of this writing there is only two people… one being myself. I really just started it! I hope more brave souls will follow. Plus I could really use another moderator or two, and please invite your friends to join, if so inclined. Wait! I just checked the site. Now there’s three people!!!

I might need a new banner, this one looks kinda cheesy. But hey, Photoshop, plus free graphics… equals cheese.